Log in

No account? Create an account
Freckled Satan High Priestess
28 December 2008 @ 01:58 pm
Look what I found while I was sorting through my hard drive!

Ron, through Easily Perceivable Canonical Evidence, is a Future Death Eating, Wife Beating, No Good, Friend Cheating... Supah Stupid, Grim Fate-Meeting, Useless, Cowardly, Arse!!!

Or, Deeply Analyzed Subtextual Completely Complex and Only Such Geniuses as We Can Find It 




 The deep analysis of a book such as Harry Potter can never be achieved by mere mortals. Said mortals may think they have grasped the meaning of these holy scriptures by simply examining the facts, but the truest Harry Potter fans look beyond facts. Facts, shmacts.


 What can be concluded from facts? What does “evidence” prove? Nothing, that’s what! J.K. Rowling has brilliantly sculpted these children’s books so precisely and meticulously that every word is an underlying, expertly subtle, meandering web of hidden clues and nuances –– all hinting at what is sure to be the most important question in the history of the literature: Who Hermione likes.

There is no question that this is what J.K. Rowling has in mind whenever she chooses a punctuation mark. Every time she places Hermione’s name on a page, she is doing it in the most strategic way possible; placing it so that it appears within three lines of Harry’s name, clearly indicating that she is meant for Harry. Whereas Ron’s name may be within seven lines; blatantly proving that Hermione hates his guts.


The Trio

 Hermione is a wonderful, intelligent witch. Harry is a wonderful, powerful wizard. Ron is a cowardly, selfish butt munch. Why is it so hard for people to reach the correct conclusion? The hero gets the girl. Duh. Oh, and the best friend dies. (Yes!!!! Good riddance.)


 Obviously the trio dynamic is important. That is why Ron/Hermione can’t happen. If Hermione were to end up with Ron, what would happen to our dear Harry? He is far too emotionally delicate for such a shock. And it certainly would be a shock, seeing Hermione with that freckled Satan.


 Now, some people have claimed that a Harry/Hermione coupling would grind the Trio’s relationship into a fine powder. They claim that Harry has no romantic interest in Hermione and, even if he did, he would never do that to Ron. Well, to those people I say: do not underestimate the power of Harry’s inevitable sudden love for Hermione, once he finally finds out! When Hermione finally confesses her holy love, Harry will ultimately choose her over his best friend. And even if he doesn’t betray Ron immediately –– perhaps from guilt over the fact that he’s so much better at everything –– once Ron dies ( you know he will) it will be clear sailing!


Everything That is Inherently Wrong with Ron

We are all aware of the reasons Hermione will never end up with Ron:

He’s got red hair (unlucky)~ His name is Weasley, Hermione’s patronus is an otter, and everyone knows otters and weasels don’t go together~ Too tall~ Future wife beater~ Jealous of Harry~ Has freckles~ Owl’s name is Pig; describes Ron's eating habits~ On pg. 301 of OotP, the word “and” appears in conjuction with “Harry and Hermione” more than “Ron and Hermione”~ Because we say so~  Is ugly and annoying~ Too poor (Can’t support her)~ Broke leg in PoA, representing weakness (Harry breaking his arm in CoS means nothing)~ Likes Luna~ Is the third wheel~ Is a Death Eater, hopefully~ Is Satan~ Is mentally subnormal~ Is clinically insane~ Is sexist~ Hates Harry~ Is gonna die soon~ Is... racist? Wouldn’t put it past him~ Only thinks about Quidditch~ Hates Hermione~ Is a twisted mofo~ Because if we wish for it hard enough...


Who Needs a Trio? 

 Now, you may be under the impression that Harry and Ron are best friends, but this is WRONG! Obviously, JK Rowling wants us to think a supreme being like Harry would need someone like Ron. This is an attempt to make Harry look "human."

 However, this is just a facade. We know Rowling likes to pull tricks like this: you have to know where to look. And that would be in between the lines; in between the words. The punctuation is where the story is!

So what trick is Rowling playing at? Well, for the trained eye, it's only a matter of time before it is revealed that Harry is not human, but in fact a god. 


Why Harry Potter is a God

 For starters, there's the lightning bolt scar. Need I explain the connection to Zeus? All gods have something in common with the thunderbolt. In many civilizations, the water/earth was the goddess and the sky was the god. What comes from the sky? Lightning bolts. Since Harry is obviously the God of Lightning, by default, Hermione is the Earth Goddess. This makes sense when you consider the fact that Hermione is a Virgo, which is an earth sign. 


In Conclusion

 Meticulous scientific investigation has concluded that if you soak a paperback edition of Chamber of Secrets in a bowl of pea soup for 14 hours, and then tear out the first five pages, you will see the letters: I AM HORROR LIE! HAVE SNOTLY! Which, when rearranged, spell the sentence: HERMIONE LOVES HARRY A LOT!!

Current State of Mind: amusedamused
Current Music: Ben Folds
Freckled Satan High Priestess
15 November 2008 @ 10:35 am
I'm afraid to bitch over at DA, so I'm gonna bitch here.

I just got a note saying that my R/Hr fanart "Moonlight" [link] has been deleted because someone "reported" it, and: Upon review a member of staff determined that the characters depicted in a nude or erotic fashion in this deviation are established as being underage. Removed as violation of policy.

I'll just say it right now: WHAT. THE . FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!!!! The picture in question depicts Ron and Hermione spooning naked. Now, I was unaware that these characters were completely frozen in time and were not capable of being depicted at different ages! I mean, this is ridiculous. I was NOT intending for the characters to be underage in that picture. I was drawing them as adults. End of story.

I don't know what perverted moron saw it and was like, "Ooooh, they... they must be fourteen! Yeah, that's hot right. I'd better report this so I can compensate for my own shameful thoughts." Whoever you are: congratulations, you're an idiot! :-D Fuck you very much.

You can BET I'm contesting this. You should have seen me trying to write a calm and collected letter to the DA help desk. I think I succeeded (no expletives at all!), so let's hope someone over there has a brain cell.

I mean, you want an age? Fine. Hermione is 23 in the picture and Ron is 22. There's your fucking age. They're not minors. They never were minors. And you know what else, DA? I don't know if you realized this, but they're also a series of lines and colors on a two-dimensional surface –– aka, a drawing. Even if they were minors, I personally wouldn't give a fucking shit. They're not real; it would affect society in no way whatsoever. That rule is so fucking stupid, especially since I didn't even break it in the first place!
Current State of Mind: enragedenraged
Freckled Satan High Priestess
04 November 2008 @ 08:18 pm
Current State of Mind: ecstaticecstatic
Freckled Satan High Priestess
19 August 2008 @ 12:50 pm
......BEFORE ..............AFTER......

In case you can't tell, that's Spike's "Effulgent" poem in the background. Haha, how cheesy is that? Ah well, at least it's not as cheesy as adding obscure song lyrics to a wallpaper. *shudder*
Current State of Mind: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: Ben Folds
Freckled Satan High Priestess
Glitter Text - http://www.glittertextgraphics.com

buy nintendo wii games
Current State of Mind: calmcalm
Current Music: Ben Folds
Freckled Satan High Priestess
10 August 2008 @ 08:36 pm
Or as I like to call it, Buffy Toy Theater.

Lately I've been making parody comics with my Buffy action figures. (Like this one, and this one. Until now I haven't posted them in my LJ, but I decided to post my latest one because it makes me giggle. :-D

So here it is, Buffy Toy Theater episode #3: "Walkin' On Sunshine."

Warning: Anyone who likes the Twilight books and doesn't have a sense of humor may want to avoid this one. :-P

Click the pic for page one!

Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5

Current State of Mind: nerdynerdy
Current Music: Ben Folds Five
Freckled Satan High Priestess
03 August 2008 @ 11:58 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, prof_irina!

I baked you a cake:
Well, okay, someone else who doesn't know you baked a cake and posted it on the internet and then I stole said cake. :P Happy birthday!
Current State of Mind: hungryhungry
Current Music: X-Men: Evolution
Freckled Satan High Priestess
15 May 2008 @ 11:53 pm
There's this thing going around on DA where everyone is drawing "before and after" cartoons featuring caricatures of themselves as teenagers and themselves as they are now.

So I gave it a whirlCollapse )

It's sad but true. I was a complete dork. (But I'm a total hottie now, of course. ;) )
Current State of Mind: geekygeeky
Current Music: Green Day
Freckled Satan High Priestess
15 May 2008 @ 07:58 pm
Current State of Mind: ecstaticecstatic
Freckled Satan High Priestess
28 April 2008 @ 08:33 pm
The evil homework gods have their backs turned right now, so I have a short window of opportunity to say

Glitter Generator - http://www.glittertextgraphics.com

To mudblood428 (April 28), evilpinkmonkey (April 25), and soon-to-be-birthday-girl millieweasley (May 1)!
Current State of Mind: naughtynaughty
Current Music: Transformers Animated
Freckled Satan High Priestess
05 April 2008 @ 11:54 pm

So sorry I'm late!
Current State of Mind: lazylazy
Current Music: Buffy
Freckled Satan High Priestess
02 April 2008 @ 07:10 pm
Current State of Mind: contentcontent
Current Music: Buffy
Freckled Satan High Priestess
06 March 2008 @ 10:37 am
Oh my God, just another reason why Canon kicks Epson's mother fucking ass!

My old, evil Epson printer used to need new ink cartridges almost every month. I got my new, beautiful, pure and holy Canon printer more than a year ago and I've only had to change the ink ONCE! Ahahahahahahahahaha! I spit on the name of Epson! Spit!
Current State of Mind: pleasedpleased
Current Music: Ben Folds
Freckled Satan High Priestess
29 February 2008 @ 01:38 pm
So apparently I've been, er, nominated for an R/Hr award. *jaw drops*

THIS picture, "Moonlight," has been nominated for the Outstanding Adult Art award.

So vote for me! Fly, my pretties! Fly!
Current State of Mind: shockedshocked
Current Music: Liz Phair (before she sold out)
Freckled Satan High Priestess
23 February 2008 @ 01:10 am
Myspace Glitter Graphics - http://www.glittertextgraphics.com
Current Music: Blue Grass cover of the Shins!
Freckled Satan High Priestess
22 February 2008 @ 05:03 pm
1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance, like a lyric to your current favorite song, your favorite kind of sandwich, or maybe your favorite game. Any remark, meaningless or not.
2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post.
5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions.

Questions courtesy of Dan:

1) What do you like most about California?

The lack of snow.

2) What do you hate most about California?

The pretentious yuppie-hippies. (yuhippies?)

3) What do you think of the Fibonacci Sequence?

I think it's pretty damn awesome that the pattern of florets in a sunflower head can be written as a mathematical sequence. But Indian mathematicians thought of it first! Who does Fibonacci think he is? ;)

4) What is the meaning of life?

To find the ripest raspberries in the forest.

5) What should my fifth question have been?

How many severed fingers am I holding up?

Current State of Mind: lazyprocrastinating
Current Music: Liz Phair (before she sold out)
Freckled Satan High Priestess
21 February 2008 @ 08:36 pm
Current State of Mind: bouncybouncy
Current Music: The Beards
Freckled Satan High Priestess
17 February 2008 @ 01:15 pm
Glitter Text Graphics - http://www.glittertextgraphics.com
Current Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Current State of Mind: calmcalm
Current Music: Green Day
Freckled Satan High Priestess
24 January 2008 @ 05:31 pm
I was planning to have some decent art finished before Andrea's birthday, but alas, digital painting takes an extraordinary long time--especially if the project is very ambitious like this one was! So I'm still working on that one, but I did have time to whip up a quick little sketch of random fantabulousness!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREA! Here's your rather silly present.
Current State of Mind: deviousdevious
Current Music: Ben Folds